Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced

[Chorus:]
So kiss me, I'm shitfaced
I'm soaked, I'm soiled and brown
in the trousers, she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

I can bench press a car, I'm an ex football star
with degrees from both Harvard and Yale
Girls just can't keep up, I'm a real love machine
I've had far better sex while in jail
I've designed the Sears Tower, I make two grand an hour
I cook the world's best duck flambe
I'll take the pick of the litter, girls jockey for me
I don't need these lines to get laid

[Chorus]

I'm a man of the night, a real ladies delight
See my figure was chiseled from stone
One more for the gal then I'll escort her home
Come last call, I'm never alone
I've a house on the hill with a red water bed
That puts Hugh Heffnor's mansion to shame
With girls by the pool and Italian sports cars
I'm just here in this dump for the game

[Chorus x2]

Ahh, fuck it. Who am I shitting?

I'm a pitiful sight, and I ain't all that bright
I'm definitely not chiseled from stone
I'm a cheat and a liar, no woman's desire
I'll probably die cold and alone

But just give me a chance, 'cause deep down inside
I swear I got a big heart of gold
I'm a monogamous man, no more one night stands
Come on, honey, let me take you home